The realism of Bob Cardwell's approach, and the honesty of those survivors who tell their very personal stories, demystifies the frightening, unknown world of therapy and knocks down the wall of silence that can isolate those struggling to know how to be supportive.

Without pretending that there are easy answers this is a book that with its advise offers hope - in helping the survivor to look back, there lies the opportunity to move forward, together.

Introduction (by Robert Cardwell)

Any form of abuse - sexual, physical or emotional - leaves scars that many victims carry with them into adulthood. Only with careful guidance and understanding can victims become survivors. You as a partner, will have to play a major role in that transformation.

As you will no doubt be aware, there are many books for victims of abuse and, in reading these yourself, you will be able to identify many of the signs and symptoms described. You will also be aware that there is very little information around for partners. How can you play a major role in your partner's recovery, if you do not have the information at hand? Already you may have had to go through years of mood swings, anger, sexual dysfunction and temper tantrums. Suddenly, because your partner enters therapy, you feel as though you have been left out in the cold. There is no one to explain why they have acted the way they have, and, more importantly, no one to explain to you the changes they will go through as therapy progresses. Your partner is going to have different needs both during and after therapy. Of course, in order for you to be able to meet these needs, you must know what they are.

Over the past two years, with the help of clients and their partners, I have pinpointed the most common problem areas, and attempted to answer the questions that partners often need to ask I have used case histories from both male and female clients, partly to show that, no matter what the gender of the child, abuse causes very similar problems. It also shows that partners, male or female, go through the same difficulties and need to know the answers to the same sort of questions.

To answer the question, `Why do people abuse children?', I have included a chapter on abusers. Again I have used case notes and, although there is no set answer, this chapter does give an insight into the minds of abusers.

For those reading this book whose partners have not yet entered therapy, or are unhappy with their present therapist, I have started by explaining what you and your partner should look for in a therapist.

Over the past ten years or so, incest and the sexual abuse of children has been brought out into the open. Adult survivors know that it has been going on for many years, but until it `went public' most survivors thought they were the only ones who were having problems. There were very few places where they could get help, and so many struggled to deal with their problems as best they could.

I know this is true, because I am one of those survivors.

I have tried to cover all of the problems that you may encounter but, as no two cases are the same, I may not have covered the particular problems that you and your partner have experienced. This does not mean that either of you is unique or beyond help. No matter how trivial it may seem to you, if it is causing discord in the relationship, it needs to be explained.

This site is dedicated to the memory of Robert Cardwell and all proceeds from sales of the book from this website will go to Wendy Cardwell the authors widow.

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